Fuzzy Pantry.

(I Define)

*To be stagnant (adj.): to be stale - to be hard, crusty and moments away from developing an eye watering odor. To be so still (and not in meditative efforts but because of absolutely NO effort) that you grow a fuzzy blanketed layer that's comfortable at first and then fatal at last.

(I Bellyache) or (I Piss & Moan)

This state of being does not sound especially appealing. I am not comfortable with being fuzzy.

But every now and again I'll imagine myself as a giant Puerto Rican peach: extra fuzz, prim for picking but instead stagnant and molding; predestined to find my niche and then pigeonholing myself so that I can live out my glory days in harmonious fruity ravenousness.

I want to look back to this place in 5, 10, 20, 30 years and be completely dissolved.

Yes, obliterated. I'll build upon my ever concentrated pith and make it the bedrock of my being, (with slightly more esprit) but the rest of me...let it explode! I want to rub elbows with the constellations without dragging my aging dispositions along with me, clouding the atmosphere.

(I Dramatize)

Somehow I envy Drew Barrymore's charachter in 50 first dates - to wake up each morning and be completely vacant of who you were or what you did the day before. What freedom! What excitement! What terror!

In essence she was the same person she'd always been - if she hadn't it would have made it impossible for Adam Sandlers, albeit tenacious character, to fall in love with her, not just once, but daily. Her memory was damaged but her spirit, her core, her pith - remained unchanged. Relentlessly, he pursued her heart and she chose to surrender it.

The balls it took to surrender her life, her mind, her entire composition with just a gentle reminder that she was exactly where she was supposed to be, exactly where she WANTED to be, with who she wanted to be. I envy her faith, I envy her courage, her marrow. But more than that I envy the consistency of her spirit. To be, despite all obstacles, to be. And in "being" it wasn't the forgotten argument the day before (although I'm sure she would have loved to remember it strictly for score keeping purposes) that was recorded and replayed - it was her, it was her relationships. She woke up each day in panic not knowing where she was, who she was or how she got there (I can relate), but everything that happened the day before didn't matter. She accepted her position, processed the sudden change and moved forward. BRAVA MADAME, BRAVA!

(I Digest)

1. "It is not good for man to be alone." Genesis 2:18

2. Change: it's inevitable. Go with it why don't you.

*definition found at the bottom of my iced tea cup and a vanilla pudding "snack pack" - won't hold up to Webster's.