I call a quit's.
At least the better version of myself does.
I'm asking for a truce. A treaty. A fucking break is what I'm really asking for.
Yes. A fucking moment's peace.
I've happened upon many a arrogant ass hole, that have said: "I always get what I want". My philosophy is that that person was just willing enough to degrade themselves long enough and low enough to get it.
I've come out on top many a time, only to slowly realize that I was passed out cold on broken glass that had been loudly reflecting my own broken image, as a cruel reminder that the only thing I'm on top of is my own shit. And it was tearing into me inside and out, making me bleed an ugly shade of black. Who or what was I willing to become to get what it was that I had so desperately wanted, that had now so effortlessly slaughtered my identity? I had become, not myself.
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This could be my period talking. the blood reference suddenly makes a whole lot of sense at 4:30 in the morning. disgusting i know. but i have news for you: your shit stinks too! I digress.
No matter, read on as if I was just your average, run of the mill, POST menopausal wench emoting via "blog" about little to do about nothing. (digression deux).
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To the girl who lost her boyfriend. Yes he said he loved you, yes he said he wanted to be with you. And yes he is leaving you RIGHT NOW! he is leaving, because now he is saying that for whatever reason...he just doesn't want that anymore. He's "JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!" You can beg. you can cry. you can promise after promise that blah blah blah...and he may hesitate while turning the door knob. but only long enough to realize that you're begging him to stay and he gets the scene-stealing dignified exit. No, this is not a game, nor a play and i definitely don't mean to make light of it. however, something needed to be said. because lets face it, you're embarrassing yourself.
It's amiable to want to give it a good shot, an honest go, and "the good old college try"; in fact i encourage it. but believe you me my frown runs deep upon the weepers and the beggars.
Listen to me now, listen close. If you are begging him to stay it could be very well that you are in love with him. Or it could be that you are so insecure that no one will ever look at you again that you at least want his half way out the door attention then no attention at all. and thats just lame sweetheart.
look at yourself. you're a fox dammit. a mother fucking fox. and boy foxes will swoon. but unrequited love only works for Jesus and you aren't Him. That's why He's Jesus. So...since He set the pace by being the only person able enough to stand an existence and a death amongst and for a people who didn't love Him...let us not compete for His strength but revel in His victory that WE are ALL loved.
That being said...you can now stop trying to be this person's savior, and go find a person who reciprocates your feelings of endearment.
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To the arrogant s.o.b. that promised her everything but gave her dirty knees instead. you suck. and i mean...YOU SUCK!!!!
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To Myself. Enough is enough. I lost me to me because I wanted to get my way. But you know what, my way starts with me. And right now I don't know who the hell that is, but it's not this. It's not looking up at the world from 2 feet off the ground. Look at me...you are gone and I exist. My identity, my self-worth, my very being will never depend on you again.
there, i said it. i've been exposed. i'm "broken" and im not the least bit ashamed.
its crunch time baby, and you're blocking my view so get the HELL outta my way.
